unsolved mysteries

forget the syndicated show that still scares the crap out of me every time (so much so that i have to turn the television on mute when the song comes on), one of the biggest unsolved mysteries of my life that continues to eat me up is: What ever happyed to my tutor, Jae Hyun?

i never wrote about it before but in december, when his girlfriend came to new york, we lost contact with each other. well, that's one way of putting it.

after some time weeks had gone by and i realized it was getting strange that he had never phoned me to meet his girlfriend or even to resume our language exchange, i wrote him an e-mail to touch base with him.

three very deep and apologetic e-mails, and a sprinkle of drunken text messages later, i still have not heard from him after eight months.

and the truth is, i miss him so much. i cannot wrap my brain around why he won't talk to me anymore. my brother, who raved about me to my friends, who came skipping up to me with the biggest grin on his face because he was happy to see me again after my five-day vacation. he who accompanied me to montreal with merely a day notice.

all i'm left with is questions and this picture i found on facebook of his elusive self after unsuccessfully stalking him online for an hour. i remember him showing this photo to me before in new york, of the time he volunteered in the phillipines building houses for those less fortunate.

i do know that we live in the same country again and at any moment i could run into him on the subway and what would happen? if he wanted to talk to me, he would have and that is probably the part that hurts the most. RIP 김재현 - may we meet again some day.

the kochenash family

as i mature, the more i don't know what to think about my family. i love them, but i really resent all of those things that are out of my control. for example, being raised in such a non-nuclear family. i absolutely regret the fact that my entire family doesn't live close together but moreover, i get upset by some member's complete lack of interest in each other. it's a really hard thing when you carve out a chunk of your life to dedicate to spend time with your family and they don't care. we travel miles to be together and one spends the entire night watching baseball while at the dinner table and the other won't stop flirting with his constant appendages.

most of all though, i'd like to know when family stops being family. when they do you favors but expect something in return? when they continually hold non-issues over your head? when during times of trouble, they prefer to blame you for each and every wrong instead of taking your side?

for these reasons, i don't think i'll ever be close to my family. they certainly don't make it worth it.

my real family is my friends, make no bones about it.

my regularly scheduled programming

well, i'm back in gurnee and there's not much to say about it. so instead of bore you with a recap of my mother's bootcamp, i'll bore you instead with my daily viewing pleasures.

9-10: Oprah
10-11: The View
11-12: The Wendy Williams Show
12-2: Wife Swap
2-3: misc.
3-4: Ellen
4-5: sometimes Tyra, sometimes misc.
5-8: nothing scheduled
8-10: whatever the shows of the night are
Monday: nothing
Tuesday: Idol or Glee
Wednesday: ANTM or Idol
Thursday: Real Housewives
and if I make it until 10.....
10-11: Repeat of The O'Reilly Factor

literally, i have nothing to do here. my biggest acccomplishment has been adjusting to this new television schedule after having eastern pacific airtimes ingrained in my brain. sometimes i work out, depending on how many different gyms i can fool into thinking i'm actually going to join. i cook healthy meals for my mother. i drive places to go exercise and then reflect on the fact that i spend more time actually driving to the place than actually exercising. such is life in the suburbs and boy, i'm really took seemingly unimportant things for granted. like walking. i genuinely miss walking. and not browsing at a store, but straight-up hustlin'.

another thing i miss is old friends but gina will be here soon and so we will be reunited after two years. there's something to look forward to. sometthing.

the wait is over

live blogging on a bus with wireless on the way north to toronto for my "vacation," i should be happy.

over the past few weeks, i've realized that although i do want to go back to korea to finish what i started, i actually want to stay in new york more. this is a crazy city and i'm truly in love with living here even if it's not under the best circumstances. this reminded me of some artwork i discovered at the times square NW platform a few weeks back.

unfortunately, after hyping myself up about this teaching fellowship, i received this in my inbox today:

Thank you for your interest in the NYC Teaching Fellows program and the time you have invested in interviewing with us. We have completed a thorough review of your candidacy, and while we were impressed with your background and experience, we are unable to offer you a Fellowship for the upcoming year.

As you may know, the application process for the Teaching Fellows program is extremely competitive. Each year we receive far more applications from qualified individuals than we have positions available, and this year has been especially selective.

so there you have it. 

gratitude

returning to new york was and has been quite challenging, more than expected. fortunately, i have a good family from who i could not have asked for more. even though i may have held back from expressing my gratitude, i have secretly calculated every ounce of generosity and have tallied a list of those people who i honestly, can't thank enough. with a month left, here is an expression of my gratitude, in no particular order.

john strom has humored me several times with his early a.m. gay remix sessions to force me out of my slumber and he was the original wing-man to my regrettably, hard-partying days after i returned from korea. i definitely owe him for getting me a job too so that i didn't completely flounder but for also getting me out of all the shifts i didn't want to work. conversations with the strom proved to be most enjoyable though; we have one of those relationships where we absolutely vibe with each other and cause me to double over in hysterics. he is without a doubt, one of the most unique and interesting people i have ever met.

my other roommate paul isn't so bad either. he pretends like he's not really interested in me because i'm a crazy person but i can tell deep-down, he thrives off of my insanity. i do appreciate him keeping his cool when i've secretly snuck his snacks into my mouth or left the dishes in the sink until the end of the day so i could do them all at once. or for not getting mad at me when i used up all his aveda products (i swear he told me he gets them for free!). and as much as we may bicker like an old married couple, the fun i have having it out with him also leaves me with a huge smile on my face (that leaves many other new yorkers confused as to why i'm so happy!).

let me continue with the boys and thank mister edward, a most unlikely friend. turns out that after living in new york off and on for seven years, someone i had only met a handful of times two years ago would turn out to be quite an available and supportive bestie. i don't know what i did to deserve so much love but it has actually made me feel loved and not like a complete loser. and just when i have edward pegged as a nerd with an edge for fashion, i witness him getting down and dirrrty to the likes of beyonce and kelis and all my preconceived notions of him have gone out the window. in fact, more things may have gone out the window than preconceived notions. like say, restraint. flash-forward to us getting down and dirrrty on the dancefloor together and many great memories flood my mind.

and now for the girls. first up in my girl megan, mostly for rushing out to see me the day after i got in and even more so for putting up with all my bullshit. little did she know that when she put me on her family plan for a cell phone, i would always pay my bill late. i do have to thank her for gifting me her old cell phone too. girl really knows how to make me feel special.

miss d'ne brown ain't too bad either. i was unsure of how our relationship would pick up after two years of my absence but i have realized after the past few months that it's better now than it ever has been. most suprisingly, i am astonished with how unbelievably patient she has been with me, a virtue that doesn't come naturally to her. and we've bumped up the cuddling to kissing! at this rate we'll be heading to the chapel in no time. absolutely no one beats the spontaneity of this girl, a vertible whirlwind wherever we go. you will also be fed well. she is the queen of sharing and will not make any bones about inviting you into her world;  her world is a warm, wonderful world which i love living in. so here's to her too for loving me unconditionally.

my final notable is not for one person, but for all my students. even though the job market may not have worked in my favor, i have been able to do what i love: teach. waking up and going to work everyday is something i'll hate no matter what, but when i get to the classroom and i see the shining smiles of my students, i cheer up. and when i make them laugh with incredibly cheesy jokes, i laugh, loudly and uncontrollably and the hours pass and another day has finished.

and i'm still alive.

thank you family. more than words can even say.

love,
yours truly
stephen

hold your breath!

this is going to blow your mind.

i have just discovered what might quite possibly be the best find ever at my grandparents house. snooping around the long-forgotten formal dining room, i noticed a hutch in the corner adorned with knick-knacks and family photos, of course. well, not all family photos. next to the first grade pictures of me i noticed this:

proudly displayed is the bush family, next to the kochenash family. george jr. and laura in all their glory. now this is not a stab at the bushes, it is merely a commentary on the ways of old people everywhere. my grandma explained that the bushes sent it to her in the mail when they were campaigning for presidency. and she also confirmed that she did not have to give a donation to receive this photo of appreciation.

i must say i'm pretty jealous. mine must have gotten lost in the mail somewhere (the irony).  

say what?

my grandpa is speaking to me as i type this and i can't understand a word he is saying except excerpts like "i ate squirrels back in the day" and "we didn't have electricity." god bless his heart. apparently "i'm spoiled."

sisterhood of the traveling pants

two weeks ago, after three months of being separated and one month after her returning to new york, i finally caught up with liz (of nadybal fame). this is the friend who i met in poland in 2006 and who moved to soko on my recommendation in 2009. since then we've been besties and the rest is history.

last thursday we both had a bit too much fun for a weeknight. nevertheless, the night was fruitful for five reasons:

one. i was able to reacquaint myself with her husband (hi joe!).
two. joe's lawyer colleagues, maybe friends supported our drinking.
three. we ended the evening dancing with gawking at legend, amanda lepore.

the newlyweds:

giving thanks

for the big holiday this year, i opted out of going to my grandparent's house in favor of spending it with courtney and john. even though the latter ended up ditching us to visit his friend in boston, courtney and i still had a lovely time.

i made this for dinner: homemade hummus!



my very first attempt proved to be a success albeit everyone left the party needing to brush their teeth due to my large portions of garlic, lemon juice, and dill.

and courtney brought gilbert, an edible turkey!



unforunately, gilbert didn't live to see the end of the day which left geenie (who had taken quite an interest in him) in a mild state of depression. or maybe that was just a turkey-induced coma.

thanks again to our hosts, the generous melody and jarrod.

our dinner was supplemented with a healthy dose of Thankskilling, the worst, yet the most enjoyable holiday movie could you ever dream of. Check it out if there's an hour and a half of your life you're not concerned about wasting. But be sure to invite your friends to the fun!

reconstructed

i recently inherited a vintage Kenneth Cole black leather briefcase-type bag from the pops. however, the softshell lining wasn't making the cut; i wanted to be able to set the bag on the ground and have it stand on its own two feet. so what to do? one cardboard box and some ingenue later, i slipped a cut out into the lining and sewed it back up. time needed to make this alteration: one hour. cost: 88 cents. bag: free. style: timeless.

eating and time

what is it with old people and eating supper (re: dinner) early? in the midst of making plans with my mother and her best friend, a.k.a. my second mother, for dinner tonight at our favorite haunt, Panera Bread, my mom's friend first asked me, "Is 6:30 too late?" and then when i confirmed the time with my mother she questioned me, "Why so late?"

Fox News

if you were taking a tour of my deceased grandparent's house in the future, it would go something like this:

"And now we come to the living room, where the Michalsky's spent most of their time doing various activities such as reading The Stamford Advocate, napping, eating, arguing, and watching Fox News."

naturally, the preserved television would be permanently fixed on the Fox News Channel. (but what would be the news story?)



they seriously watch Fox News all day and night and it is because of this reason, i have developed love for Bill O'Reilly and Greta Van Susteren's plastic surger-ied self. bill is definitely an entertainer; everytime i watch him I have a hoot of a time.

grandmother's recipe

although i had just eaten an overstuffed ham & cheese sandwich at 12:30 pm, supper* was promptly served at 4 pm. (*please note that according to my grandmother, supper is our dinner and dinner is our lunch) it included canned peas & carrots, canned cranberry sauce, and baked chicken. quite a spread.



yes, dinner was also served on restaurant trays because my family doesn't like to talk to each other so we usually take our meals to the couch to watch Bill O'Reilly.

dinner was followed up with my absolute favorite nyc pizza four hours later as a snack. this is the pizza i think about when i praise the joys of nyc pizza.

quotes of day one

walking past my grandpa reclining on his La-Z-Boy in my worn everyday standard black jeans, i was questioned: "are these the new style these days?" to which i responded, "what do you mean?" you see, he was wearing wide-leg pants and mine obviously weren't, so he couldn't understand it. so i had to explain, "these are just straight-leg jeans, as opposed to yours which are wide-leg." thank goodness i hadn't worn my skinnys.

quotes of day one

soon after being retrieved at the metro-north station by my cataract-cured grandpa, he took me on a search through the supermarket snack aisle for something really special. he described this snack not as a chip, nor as a puff, but as something 'new.' when i asked him if i could help him find it, he shrugged me off. however, not soon thereafter, he spotted the aforementioned snack. ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves. this revolutionary new snack my grandpa has never seen before recently is nacho cheesier doritos. god bless his 84-year-old heart.

introducing

i believe this photo was taken ten years ago, when i was 14. naturally, my divorcé mother turned to the church to grieve and thus, the idea for a family portrait idea was conceived. i definitely bought that shirt at kohl's and i always paired it with a stretch cotton shirt from structure that i thought made me look just as sexy as the football players. now this portrait sits on my grandparent's end table, adorned with a prayer card of the virgin mary (a symbol of their polish roots) and a bottle of mint-flavored imodium (a symbol of their uncontrollable bowel muscles).