Casa Negra

yesterday, as i was making headway with "the roots of rock and roll," a book i'm reading with my students, they learned that elvis' house is named Graceland and it got me thinking: if elvis can have Graceland, michael The Neverland Ranch, the queen of england Buckingham Palace, why on earth shouldn't i have a name for mine? most of the most famous international icons have a name for their house and it seems like the cool thing to do, so from here on it, no matter the location, size, or luxuriousness of my home, it shall hence by referred to as CASA NEGRA.

Casa Negra de El Blanquito. seems fitting, no?

young@heart

while i don't include myself in the group of self-proclaimed young hearts, i discovered a documentary full of geriatric rock-n-rollers. young@heart was made in 2007 and focuses on a group of chorus singers with a combined average age of 80. and let me say, they are a hoot! i highly recommend this film as i laughed out loud so many times. it is one of the rare occasions when you can see those aged far beyond our years enjoying life to its fullest, rather than complaining about their various ailments along with being bitter. for this, i must give them credit where credit is due, as i cannot say the same about myself. so add this to your movie queue to enjoy some rock classics sung by some classy senior citizens.

unsolved mysteries

forget the syndicated show that still scares the crap out of me every time (so much so that i have to turn the television on mute when the song comes on), one of the biggest unsolved mysteries of my life that continues to eat me up is: What ever happyed to my tutor, Jae Hyun?

i never wrote about it before but in december, when his girlfriend came to new york, we lost contact with each other. well, that's one way of putting it.

after some time weeks had gone by and i realized it was getting strange that he had never phoned me to meet his girlfriend or even to resume our language exchange, i wrote him an e-mail to touch base with him.

three very deep and apologetic e-mails, and a sprinkle of drunken text messages later, i still have not heard from him after eight months.

and the truth is, i miss him so much. i cannot wrap my brain around why he won't talk to me anymore. my brother, who raved about me to my friends, who came skipping up to me with the biggest grin on his face because he was happy to see me again after my five-day vacation. he who accompanied me to montreal with merely a day notice.

all i'm left with is questions and this picture i found on facebook of his elusive self after unsuccessfully stalking him online for an hour. i remember him showing this photo to me before in new york, of the time he volunteered in the phillipines building houses for those less fortunate.

i do know that we live in the same country again and at any moment i could run into him on the subway and what would happen? if he wanted to talk to me, he would have and that is probably the part that hurts the most. RIP 김재현 - may we meet again some day.

there's something about stephen

a deep dark secret: mosquitoes hate me.

and for twenty-five years of my life i have wondered what it was like to be bit, what all the complaining was about.

until now. it is not my first time in korea so what about me has changed? two weeks ago was the first attack, when i could barely catch a wink of sleep because of the buzzing in my ears and itching of my skin. when i turned the lights on and discovered what had happened, i was absolutely speechless. FIVE bites; that's more than i can remember in my entire life!

i was very angry with the world the next day but the next two weeks passed pretty peacefully without even a sight of those pesky insects. until tuesday night, a.k.a. the night i needed to get a lot of sleep. i don't know how i forced myself into the covers at 11PM but i would be making many an exit that night.

again, I WAS ATTACKED.

THREE hours of sleep
FIVE mosquito bites
LIMITLESS questions as to Why???

why me? why now? why on the night i needed sleep the most?

so frustrating. i literally cannot even fall asleep because i'm so sensitive/fearful of the buzzing and so angry about it all. if it wasn't for this amazing ointment i picked up from the pharmacy, i'd be unbearable living with the scars to prove it. no, really. the first night i arrived back in korea i also got bit and being as immune to mosquitoes as i (had) been, i couldn't even fathom that it was because of the blood-suckers. so for two days i scratched and suffered until i went to the pharmacy where the pharmacist unleashed the brutal truth on me. and because i didn't put the ointment on immediately, i literally have two scars that are never going to go away.

so what gives? one thing at least: my promise to kill every last one of those -- those -- those that ever cross my path. i'm sorry, karma. really, really sorry.

what's happening to me?

this could be my incredible hulk moment: when my muscles start bulging, ripping my clothes right off my body. when i ask myself: what's happening to me?

yesterday i took the level three final for my korean studies and was very confused. the confusing part being that i've been blowing off homework and participation in class for a while now and hardly studied for the exam but somehow, i found it, dare i say, strangely easy.

perhaps i was just lucky. but while my classmates were complaining, i was trying to meddle through the confusion of how this could be easier than the midterm, when i actually gave a darn.

this could only mean one thing in my book: i must have failed!

and today i had a twenty minute interview with a teacher where i had to show off my stuttering grammer skills.

tomorrow will be d-day, not only for my grades, but also for the promised lady gaga bad romance dance i will performed at the graduation ceremonly in front of, sogang university only knows how many, language students. needless to say, my half-full bottles of alcohol sitting in the fridge now will all be gone by the time i leave this house tomorrow. i need all the liquid courage i can get, for i am no dancer.

boys (sometimes a girl just needs one)

well, it's been two months since i've landed back in seoul and i've unintentionally wasted no time in getting to know many of the locals. since i have a few hours to spare, and britney commands me to do it, i will debrief.

M: we have an off and on again relationship that's going on three years. we like to kiss and flirt when we're on the hill together but it never goes farther than that. until two weeks ago when i discovered how selfish he could be and consequently, wrote him out of my book (but not my blog). note to self: must resist future temptations coming from his direction even though he is one of the best kissers i've ever met, let alone in korea!

I: i would describe our two year relationship as hot and cold. first hot, then very very cold seeing as though i cut him out of my life for a long time. when i returned to seoul i decided i was going to reverse that decision because i was being ridiculous. so i unsuccessfully tried to make up for lost time by kissing him. instead, i think i just caught him off guard. anyway, he's incredibly sexy and fascinating and unfortunately for me, just a few days later, he started dating someone else. i guess had my chance two years ago and missed it.

GOGO BOY: from the moment i first saw him in his own world, rehearsing in our club, i was captivated. though he paid no mind to me, barely making the effort to turn around and introduce himself, one month later our stars crossed again. three weeks ago at my first night working a gogo party, he appeared out of thin air, presenting himself at the bar, preparing to perform. after he was done shaking his sweaty stuff on stage, he came behind the bar and told me i was cute, taking my breath away. my response wasn't very intelligible but in any case, he had apparently noticed me, and in very good way. not only that, but he rubbed my back, gave me a hug, and a kiss on the cheek! i had no way of knowing that would be the penicle of our relationship though since we've met at the club twice since then and engaged in conversation that has lead to nowhere.

DJ MASTER PROGRESSIVE: the same night gogo boy told me i was cute, i closed down the bar with our resident dj, an incredibly shy and mute individual (go figure). well, the music was finally off so after conversing in his native language for some time, we had dinner (re: breakfast?) and shared a quick kiss at the entrance of the subway. unfortunately, his attraction to me and my attraction to him doesn't make up for the fact that he's not adept at conversing. after a few strong drinks, he becomes significantly more outgoing but that won't make up for i can't have a relationship with him like i think he wants.

O: i must make some mention of him due to his frankness in telling me he'd like to have my babies and then asking me right out if i wanted to have sex with him on this special wednesday afternoon while we were chatting online.

SOGANG BOY: there's a man that i met that lives directly across from my university who is incredibly busy but doesn't mind having a partner during his minimal free time. the problem with him being that he only talks about himself and brags about his prowess, the latter of which wouldn't be such a problem if i hadn't thought kissing him was terrible. i felt like telling him the same thing he told me he's said to other guys in the past: you don't know what you're doing!


all in all, britney was right but my ever growing list of failures is proving that it's easier said than done. 

what are some ways to relieve stress?

that was the question on my students homework and i just love one of his answers. i can't remember anything else he wrote but this (not verbatim):

"sports are a good way to relieve stress because you get sweaty and then take a shower and feel like you're flying"

i'm sure i made a few grammatical corrections for the boy, but he the point is he did shed light on something new and interesting to me.

please excuse me now, i'm heading to the gym.

the chungking express

i don't usually watch movies twice; i have a strict rule about that. or three or four times. but the chungking express isn't a movie that you quickly tire of. written and directed by my favorite, wong-kar wai, is a film in which there is not one line that is not memorable. the characters have flaws and quirks that make you fall in love with them, with the featured couple, tony leung and faye wong positively exuding energy on screen. if you love movies that are quiety sublime and tell a story far deeper than superficiality, i highly recommend this film.

and you can stream it here for free if you just download veoh, which is quick and painless (and not some spam software).
http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/entertainment/watch/v6243282XcwtTpSs

the knowledge

prejudice NO
ignorance NO
bigotry NO
illiteracy NO

get the knowledge

get the point?
good, let's dance.

rain

yesterday i had a very strange experience "meeting" rain. i put "meeting" in quotation marks because it was more along the lines of stalking.

i met my old classmate yesterday after not seeing her for about ten months. shiho, said classmate, is a rabid kpop fan and even revealed to me yesterday that the reason she stopped studying korean after nine months is because she wanted to chase the kpop idols around seoul while they carried out their various activities. she even showed me a picture of rain who she coincidentally bumped into last month in seoul.

this prompted a very long conversation about rain's recent comeback activities and how much more handsome he has gotten. we wondered if had bones in his body because he recently made famous a dance that certainly can't be performed with a spine.

fast-forward to us leaving the cafe and there he was. i saw him first and made eye contact and there was nothing nonchalant about my shocked and confused facial expression, i'm sure. then shiho saw him, the superstar with poreless, glowing skin, walking along friends/security on the streets of fukuoka. how is it that we see him here, of all places? well, probably because he has a concert here tonight that neither of us "fans" knew about.

so after doubled over a little, my rabid fan friend shiho grabbed me and made me follow him to starbucks where we waited outside for about fifteen minutes wondering how we should approach him. the entire time i was starting to get stick to my stomach, just wanting to leave him in peace. soon enough, he came out and shiho then stalked him into a store where we waited outside for thirty minutes for him. she managed to get a handshake out of him but he wasn't being so friendly.

meanwhile, i was completely doubled over in embarrassment at this point. while he was shopping, his friends/security were outside and told shiho to please just leave him alone. and since i just wanted to get the hell out of there i went up to them and pleaded with them to convince him to take a picture with her quickly so it could be over. no such thing would happen. only more toture awaited me as i constantly had to argue with shiho about what to do. i felt like i was stuck between a rock and a hard place: it's my friend's dream to meet these people and i hadn't seen her for 10 months but i felt so uncomfortable stalking him.

the entire ordeal had a very anti-climatic ending. i spent most of the time sitting down with the security guard shooting the shit while shiho called every rain fan in her phonebook while positioning herself to cut him off at the shop's entrance. well, he left with his entourage and shiho pleaded with me to continue to follow them and after all of the fuss was over, they had disappeared.

the morale to this story however is you can do, or in this case, see, anything two obsessed fans put their mind to.

things i didn't miss about korea / things i don't miss about nyc

things i didn't miss about korea:

absolutely no enforcement of smoking laws and regulations make it impossible to escape clouds of toxicity.

the smelly fart odor that lingers on the street, seemingly in bubbles.

having to re-enter the closet of repression.

trying to have relationships with gays that have never left the closet of repression.

things i don't miss about nyc:

tipping!

the complete lack of any structured subway schedule.

loud, disgusting, obnoxious, rude, inconsiderate, unaware people that abounded in the mass transit areas.

having to worry about where i was going to find my next bathroom and how much i would have to pay for it.

rants

is it just me or does it seem like every person in the city of seoul goes out of their way to obstruct my walking path? traveling on foot here is just as annoying as traveling by car, where pedestrians forgo any and all traffic laws and where you can reach a brisk pace one minute and then the next stopped in a stand-still. i really need to move out of sinchon, a.k.a. the gateway to me losing my sanity-land.

also, while it relatively pain-free to open a bank account here, restrictions still apply. restrictions that prevent me from ever using my card as debit or taking out money from the same banking institution after working hours without paying a fee! that is absolutely ludicrous.

many problems for foreigners in korea after they arrive arise from trying to procure a mobile telephone or anything of semblance to it. if you don't have an immigration, which often takes weeks to get, you can just as well forget about telecommunication. that is, unless you go to the back alley in itaewon where pakistani vendors will sell you a cellular phone you swore you saw on full house. well, they're not that bad but they are incredibly user-unfriendly. simple tasks like writing and sending a text message can take up to !five minutes and there are no "page twos" force you to convey what you want in 80 characters or less or else send it mid sentence and then start an entirely new message. on top of this, switching between letters, numbers, and languages can be up to five keystrokes and simply turning the phone on silent requires searching and paging through a series of menus. is the inconvenience of using a cell phone worth the convenience of having one?

missing II

bluetooth stereo headphones

indestructible, non-odor absorbing nalgene water bottle

cropped lambskin leather jacket

my mind

IF FOUND PLEASE CALL 123-456-7898.
REWARD OFFERED.

missing

navy blue cotton shorts with a foldover waist detail and cuff

beige boat shorts with wide waistband

navy blue sheen pleated shorts with black button details

tuxedo shorts with pocket flap details

black samsung cell phone that slides open

IF FOUND PLEASE CALL 567-869-6463 (LOST MY MIND)

the kochenash family

as i mature, the more i don't know what to think about my family. i love them, but i really resent all of those things that are out of my control. for example, being raised in such a non-nuclear family. i absolutely regret the fact that my entire family doesn't live close together but moreover, i get upset by some member's complete lack of interest in each other. it's a really hard thing when you carve out a chunk of your life to dedicate to spend time with your family and they don't care. we travel miles to be together and one spends the entire night watching baseball while at the dinner table and the other won't stop flirting with his constant appendages.

most of all though, i'd like to know when family stops being family. when they do you favors but expect something in return? when they continually hold non-issues over your head? when during times of trouble, they prefer to blame you for each and every wrong instead of taking your side?

for these reasons, i don't think i'll ever be close to my family. they certainly don't make it worth it.

my real family is my friends, make no bones about it.

my regularly scheduled programming

well, i'm back in gurnee and there's not much to say about it. so instead of bore you with a recap of my mother's bootcamp, i'll bore you instead with my daily viewing pleasures.

9-10: Oprah
10-11: The View
11-12: The Wendy Williams Show
12-2: Wife Swap
2-3: misc.
3-4: Ellen
4-5: sometimes Tyra, sometimes misc.
5-8: nothing scheduled
8-10: whatever the shows of the night are
Monday: nothing
Tuesday: Idol or Glee
Wednesday: ANTM or Idol
Thursday: Real Housewives
and if I make it until 10.....
10-11: Repeat of The O'Reilly Factor

literally, i have nothing to do here. my biggest acccomplishment has been adjusting to this new television schedule after having eastern pacific airtimes ingrained in my brain. sometimes i work out, depending on how many different gyms i can fool into thinking i'm actually going to join. i cook healthy meals for my mother. i drive places to go exercise and then reflect on the fact that i spend more time actually driving to the place than actually exercising. such is life in the suburbs and boy, i'm really took seemingly unimportant things for granted. like walking. i genuinely miss walking. and not browsing at a store, but straight-up hustlin'.

another thing i miss is old friends but gina will be here soon and so we will be reunited after two years. there's something to look forward to. sometthing.

and the critics say

"you're the best teacher i have ever had"

"you're the right teacher for me."

"you're better than my other teacher [a.k.a. my boss, which i absolutely relish the thought of]"

"you are special."

"you are The One [for her]."

"tell your mom that she has a good boy," told to me by one of my older students.

"lucky forever," obviously written by one my luck-obsessed chinese students.


and my favorite:

"have a nice life!"


i'll try, gueyue. i'll really try.

pda (i just don't care)

or so says john legend anyway.

i find myself asking myself the same question.

what do you think?

now that i've all but announced to my adult students that i'll be gone in two weeks time, i've found myself with a newfound freedom, divulging more of myself to them than ever before. this includes sexuality, which i don't find appropriate as classroom fodder for any students or teachers in a classroom setting. however, i've been asking myself if i thought it would be okay to let loose a little in social settings.

well let loose i may have done last night when i invited a boy to a party where one of my students was in attendance. considering all of the factors, do you think light pda is appropriate or not within the visibility of your students?

decisions, decisions

i imagine the greater percentage of posts to be posted from here on out will pertain to my departure and this does not differ.

i submitted my resignation today to the lovely american language communication center, about which i have not written much here. i will definitely miss the constant addition of new students to my class who aren't up to speed on grammar and vocabulary as well as promptly decling to substitute teach a class minutes before it starts. i will also miss the funny smell in the teacher's room closet.

but i do give thanks and due respect to my source of weekly paychecks, which are not available for direct deposit.

traveling man

since i had visited montreal in the fall, it was only natural that toronto would be my next mini-vacation to the land of wayne gretsky. this moderately uncomfortable bus took me there:

after 8 hours of driving overnight and not being able to sleep a wink, i conveniently fell asleep at the time designated as the time that i should text gazzoo to tell him when exactly i would be arriving at the bus terminal so he could pick me up. thanks to my circadian rhythm, he waited for me for an hour at the terminal. this is what i woke up to:

the first day proved to be pretty misty but in the evening, it cleared up enough for gazzoo to prove his balcony has the best view of the city - and most of all, it's free!

though the weather seemed like it would play fair, it slapped me on the face again on friday when i spent five hours walking 7.3 miles around the city in snowish, slushish weather. i was able to snap this photo of the principal art museum during a break precipitation:

however, since i am a complete cheapo, gazzoo and i opted to go to the donation only galleries instead where we were presented with the opportunity to watch varying kinds of porn and see how a city of projectors and instruments could be connected to make sounds and videos.

saturday allowed me the opportunity to venture out (pun intended) to the village. and while i had already known they filmed queer as folk there, i had figured they would have changed the names of the bars for the show. well, they hadn't. so my tourist attraction of the day instantly became woodys, which is much more expansive on the inside than the bar portrayed on the show.

sunday was my last day in toronto and i couldn't leave without visiting the distillery, for reasons no doubt related to the presence of beer. apparently this location is often used for movie productions such as chicago. again, no doubt related to the close proximity of beer.

all in all, it was a very productive trip of reconnecting with old friends and engaging in copious amounts of rest and relaxation. farewell, farewell sweet city of toronto.