revelations

i'm seriously considering accepting another failure and just going back to korea. i feel very spontaneous about it, like just buying a ticket for next week and going and sorting everything out once i get there. i mean, i have all my documents ready. and it is my dream. jeez, just let me go back to korea and finish studying korean. that's all i want to do with my life right now. did i make a huge mistake coming back to new york to settle my affairs? i wasn't disillusioned, i know that much. once again, i blame luck. i know i've tried. fucking doctors. FUCKING HEALTH CARE. fucking me, my life, and my mind.

i might just take a cab over the 59th street bridge for the sole purpose of screaming out of the window at the tops of my lungs, as i've been known to do. hey, it's the only time you can scream in nyc without anyone around - except for the taxi driver that is.

heartbreak-related depression

alexis joel, of recent failed sucide fame, wrote yesterday that she wants to 

help young girls with something I know a GREAT deal about: Heartbreak-Related Depression. Although it does not get much attention in our society, it is a very serious and painful condition that often gets swept under the carpet. I hope to bring this topic more to light.

and today my cutie left me, perhaps for forever. that kid could do no wrong but as much as i love him, i'm officially "letting him go" so that he can grow up like he should. the heartbreak hotel is back in business. 

bootyful new york II

after the rain comes snow?

good luck/bad luck

luck seems to rule everything in china and while i was there, i found myself captivated by it. my former roommmate wore a thin red string around his waist for an entire year for good luck. why? because it was his year in the zodiac. though this particular stunt is rarely practiced anymore, and only then by women, i wanted to followed suit. so two years later, 2009, came the year of the cow and i was graciously provided my own hong yong dai by my chinese friend brian.

here's an example of what they look like:

my big secret is that i've been wearing this good luck string since february, never taking it off, not even in the shower. only the dudes in the locker room at the jewish community center have seen it in the light, for which i've been stared at. but nevermind that. the issue is that last night, in some fit of sleep, it feel off, nine months after i put it on yet three months shy of the new lunar year.

looking back on the year, i can't definitively say that i've had any extraordinary good luck due to this good luck charm. in fact, i think my year has been quite the opposite, but i also frequently tend to be pessimistic. so i wonder: is luck relative? i have two jobs - but they are both part-time jobs just to pay the bills. my health hasn't gotten any better even though i've been seeing the doctor. i'm still studying korean but jae hyun is MIA and my teacher was awful. AND, if that was my good luck while i was still wearing the charm, what's in store for me now?

lots of questions unanswered, but i do know one thing: i have best friends to support me no matter what happens and for that, i just may be the luckiest duck.

oh christmas tree

one of the greatest debates throughout history has been: real or fake? when selecting a christmas tree to put me in the holiday spirit, i have to say that nothing beats a real spruce. the scent it radiates can positively invigorate anyone's pad, making those pesky fallen needles all worth it.

last weekend i set out in search of what i had expected would just be a tiny window-sill spruce to provide me with a little festivus within the confines of my small bedroom. what john and i carried home however, was a three-foot charlie brown tree. it's not the fullest or most majestic of trees, but despite its deficiencies, i received no less than three wide grins from people i passed on the street on the way home. even a waiter inside his restaurant gave me a thumbs up. selection reaffirmed, we took the tree home and set some colored lights upon it. while it seemed our decorative efforts seemed to stop there, i added a tissue paper skirt yesterday with wrapped presents regifts.

so finally, much like the famed charlie brown x-mas tree, ours has metamorphed into a stunner. take a step back from your computer and take it all in. 'tis the season.

the korean invasion

brace yourselves for the biggest thing since ban ki-moon was instated as secretary general of the u.n.:

WHO.A.U has landed stateside! (i wonder what it's doing in the stamford city mall.)

for the majority of my time in korea, i could have sworn this was named after something related to hawaii. but i stood corrected when my best friend yun byoung-chol let me in on the secret: it's a clever way of saying "who are you." those koreans, so clever. 

korean crooner

my newest obession as far as male voices go is taec yeon, the unofficial new leader of 2PM, korean singing and dancing sensations. when he had to share the spotlight with recently departed jae bum (a.k.a. resident shirt taker-offer and original chocolate abs), no one paid much attention to him but now that has all changed. he's the official rapper of 2PM and sonically, he voice is very low. in my book, a low voice is synonymous with sexiness. lower voice increase sexiness exponentially. and so without further ado, treat yourself to some:

"heartbeat"
fast foward to the 00:45 mark (and/or the end to see him rip his shirt off):


"my ear's candy" 00:30:


and just for good measure (if you didn't already peek):

sisterhood of the traveling pants

two weeks ago, after three months of being separated and one month after her returning to new york, i finally caught up with liz (of nadybal fame). this is the friend who i met in poland in 2006 and who moved to soko on my recommendation in 2009. since then we've been besties and the rest is history.

last thursday we both had a bit too much fun for a weeknight. nevertheless, the night was fruitful for five reasons:

one. i was able to reacquaint myself with her husband (hi joe!).
two. joe's lawyer colleagues, maybe friends supported our drinking.
three. we ended the evening dancing with gawking at legend, amanda lepore.

the newlyweds:

christmas wish list

this is what you do when you haven't been in america for the past two holidays.



egg nog ☑
lots of hot cocoa w/ marshmallows ☑
relentlessly talking about my love for home alone to my students ☑

so far, so good.

bootyful new york

as we all know, one of the great gifts that rain brings is the ability to actually see the city that we live in (which would otherwise be covered in smog). here are some recent captures with what courtney calls, "verizon's finest camera."

at my subway stop.






stopped in the rain to take this one in washington square park.